Its been long,really long since i posted something.I should be honest with myself,have i been fulfilling my duties? IDK. But i do know one thing,and that something is really confusing me right now.I really dunno that "something".

Why was i so irresponsible for a long time since i saw last of NIT? Why am i,since leaving my hometown,became so....? idk what u call it? Passive?Carefree? Is it my studies?

Anyway,i know that i am not "me", the original me is on vacation.I have lost my signature thing-creativity and passion to an extend even a Giant Squid wouldn't have swam.My mind plays the same old tricks with me,which is effective to a level like never before. But what triggered this?

I can find various causes, 1.Turmoils 2.Lousy Beginnings 3.Dry teaching atmosphere

I underwent serious emotional and physical turmoils after joining my former college,thanks to CSF leaks :( I lost interest,essentially in everything.My main idea of spending time was browsing net.I started hating on people and life there. Negativity in which i was drowning was enough to fill a lifelong reserve of Scotch.
It swallowed me,like a kraken and i finally cracked up.I needed the change,and change i had.Now i am here in Chennai,studying one of my passions.

After the transfer i underwent a period of transitions. I tried hard to accommodate to climate change and culture shock.During the initial days of schooling here i spend my days,going back to college,coming back,browsing till eyes tired,listening music,sleeping and again continuing the above cycle.I took less interest in lessons and even going to class.

One thing i hate so much here is how dry the teaching is.Students are treated like slaves by some "senior" teachers and we are supposed buy the bull shit and swallow it like holy bread. I try hard to keep a face and not fall on their bad books,only way i can do that is by being anonymous.And i'm pretty good at that too.

I really think the core issue that bugs me is the sudden change that occurred in my life,a change i never dreamt of,the admission to magnanimous college.It put me on a level i never desired even-though i deserved it(did i?)..it put a lot of pressure on me and i never utlilised or was given time to find my passions in my own space and in my on time.I feel like a clown fish on upper ocean.

This reminds me of the movie called "Finding Nemo".How ironic! In the movie,Nemo's father searches the infinite ocean to find is lost son,while i myself is searching for my self in god knows where..

I can only wish me luck,hoping that during the course of the search,may i stumble upon ME.